Frenzy 2: Perito Moreno Glacier

Winner: Rob Buzzardcheater

Perito Moreno is, as you can no doubt tell, a very blue, very big, chunk of ice scrubbing its way down the Andes into the heart of Argentine Patagonia. It is, as are all glaciers, essentially a river of ice. This river, though, unlike may other glaciers around the world, is still growing and advancing, and viewing areas around the site where the glacier meets the rocky shore and melt-water lakes allow one to view house-sized chunks of ice calving (falling) into the lakes. The sound is indescribable - thunderously loud cracks and booms - and the splash impact of the calves hitting the water is spectacular.

The glacier itself s a complex system, with caves, canyons, surface- and below-ground rivers coursing through and around it, and beautiful, enticingly blue crevasses meandering about as lines on an ancient face. Hikes are offered deep into the heart of the glacier, and are worth every second of time you'll spend roaming into the unknown. Here are links to the website, and to more pics:

Perito Moreno Glacier

Perito Moreno PIcs

Turns out Rob Buzzardcheater, much like Ol' Joey last week, also has an interesting history. A couple of decades ago, in the wilds of West Texas and New Mexico, there was a rash of very mysterious cattle mutilations. Ranchers, over the course of a couple of years, found cattle dead on their land, and upon inspection discovered that many of the internal organs of the cows were missing while the carcasses seemed to be wholly intact.

Upon this news becoming public, there ensued a frenzy of speculation, most of it centered on aliens visiting and performing some kind of miraculous surgery to remove cattle organs without piercing the skin of the unlucky victims. UFO enthusiasts flocked to the area, but despite extreme vigilance, the cow "mutilations" continued with nary a sign of alien spaceship cruising for sweetbread treats. Eventually, the saucer watchers moved on to more fruitful pastures, and it was a couple of years before the culprit was finally identified.

Rob, who owns land near Terlingua in the Big Bend area, was camping with his family one night, and partaking freely of whisky, as is his wont, and the god-given right of any man with a wife and two daughters, when late at night he wandered off under a brilliant moon to share some moisture with the local desert plant life. Luckily for Rob, the moon was intensely bright, and so he avoided stumbling over the recently dead cow he discovered in his path at the bottom of a nearby ravine. Being aware of the UFO reports, he checked the sky, and seeing nothing unusual, decided to have a seat, sip a little whisky, and commiserate with his late amigo de vaca.

A couple of hours and a copious amount of sips later, the cow and Rob were getting along famously, but it seemed every now and then the cow might be moving about a bit. Probably just the whisky and the occasional shadows of the low clouds scudding by the moon, but Rob decided to investigate further. He stood, somewhat unsteadily, and bent down to eyeball the nether regions of the cow that seemed to be the epicenter of the strange movements. Suddenly, a tiny, furry, blood- and mucus-covered head erupted from the anus of the cow, took a look at Rob and emitted a high pitched squeal, almost exactly matching the squeal erupting from Rob at that very same moment. The messy head was immediately followed by an elongated body and short legs, and the creature bolted into the night, leaving both the cow and Rob in less than optimum operating condition.

After discarding and burying his pants, Rob made his way back to the campsite, picking up cactus thorns in unfortunate places on his half-nekkid torso, yet excited in the knowledge that he had solved the long-standing Cattle Mutilation Mystery: it wasn't aliens gorging themselves on cow innards, it was cows dying natural deaths and weasels crawling through the biggest opening they could find, eating all the yummy parts, and then exiting the same way they came in, without a trace! "Eureka!" cried Rob, "the weasels are the buzzard cheaters!"

And so it was that Rob became the toast of veterinarian investigators for miles around, and picked up his nickname at the same time. Eureka indeed!

Be sure and tune in next week to learn more about the fascinating folks converging at Snocone Frenzy!